reticulating splines

chilled today.

earphones broke. so did my heart. found some new ones but they irritate the shit out of me. gotta buy some more. i know right its like FML MI LYF OVA LYK DIS IF U CREY.

mi crey. mi crey alot.

but i mowed. then hung out alone. put 6 seasons of charmed on to download...yay.

listened to music. my life is so boring.

gonna go play the sims now and pretend i'm the one in the fully sick house i just built for them

so. today. 10th of march.
it was kks.
woke up at 8. :/
went to the camping store. bought a tent. going to have a campout at my house at some point.
bonfires and camping and drinking and fun.
applied for a few jobs today. probably gonna get them all not gonna lie, i am pretty fucking cool.
anyone would be lucky to have me. lolololol.
watching charmed. luff dis show.
last nights glee was so good! had some tears goin on!
so intense. loveeeeeeeeeee.
drove for an hour today too. 18 hours brooo. 82 to go? easy. done.
love driving. so much. listen to nova while i drive. so chill to be driving to like a g6, or ke$ha or something. so much fun. loving it.
anyways. i downloaded glee, so im gonna watch it again.
catch you tomorrow avid reader.

tits

posting like a boss. four posts in one day. whatever i have a life shut up.

i think i might use this as a diary. you'll see more of me. (metaphorically)

not gonna start posting topless tuesdays or anything hahah.

got some sort of job interview tomorrow. then maybe driving to yamba. idk.

guess we'll figure it out tomorrow.

oh yeah i saw danny bhoy tonight. so funny. i laughed a fair bit. good stuff. becky wouldn't listen to britneys new song even though i kept insisting, but she refused. then it came on the radio. heheheh. THE WORLD KNOWS HOW GOOD THE SONG IS.

i mean, written by ke$ha, sung by britney? could you think of a better duo?

LGBT

the LGBT community suffered a huge loss in 2010.

at least 10 teenage boys (11 - 19) committed suicide after being confronted and teased about their sexuality. as someone who has lesbian/gay/bi-sexual friends, it really fucking annoys me that people are being so ignorant and shit about these things. My friends mean everything to me. To think that just because of how they were born, people believe they can use this as a torture method. and the really fucked up thing is that it works. bullies belittle homosexuals and make them feel horrible, and then the already conflicted person feels like shit and then decides suicide is the only way to go. how can bullies feel alright with themselves? especially the bullies of the boy who was 11 who killed himself. 11. 11 years of life. not even a teenager. barely pubescent. so many experiences he'll never have because of ignorant fucking bullies. I can't understand who would do that. bully someone to the point of them choosing death over being bullied one more day. so i would just like to take this post to say

R.I.P

Billy Lucas (13)

Cody J. Barker (17)

Seth Walsh (13)

Tyler Clementi (18)

Asher Brown (13)

Harrison Chase (15)

Raymond Chase (19)

Felix Sacco (17)

Caleb Nolt (14)

I would just like to quickly share Tyler Clementi's story. He was attending Rutgers University and his roommate decided to put a webcam in the room to film Tyler with his boyfriend. The roommate then posted the video on the internet, gathering hundreds and hundreds of views, the video itself getting over 600 comments demeaning Tyler and his boyfriend, and after seeing this video and the comments, Tyler jumped off a bridge, killing himself. His roommate and the girl who helped this plan got off free. Not even getting in trouble for privacy laws. Disgusting world we live in.

To finish this, i'd like to quote Lady GaGa. mother monster ;D

"No matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgendered life, i'm on the right track baby i was born to survive"

I guess the moral of this blog is - never feel alone. because you aren't. If you look hard enough, you can always find someone to offer support and love.

equality for all!!

English Seminar.

Last year for english we had to write a seminar on ourselves focusing on our values, attitudes and beliefs. I wrote mine based around my adhd, being diagnosed and spending most of my life living by the rules and restrictions of the medication i was on at that point. For me this was the biggest part of my life. Every aspect of it is affected. So for me i used this seminar to express some of the feelings i have about being adhd positive. (like HIV but it's not contagious or deadly okay it was a bad joke shut up)

Within my seminar i explored my feelings about my first adhd medication treatment. It was one of the worst few years of my life. I didn't know who i was when i was on the medication. I felt like a piece of cardboard. No humour. No life. No nothing. Just a boring piece of shit. I hated myself. I knew the medication was doing this to me. But i couldn't disappoint my family. not with my perfect siblings. by the time i decided to take a stand and give it up, i realised i liked myself a whole lot better after i stopped. that was until every little piece of instruction came with extreme paranoia and anxiety. simple tasks became harder and harder as i moved on in life. i could barely get by. i still get scared doing simple things like catching a bus. meeting a friend for a movie, or even being at home alone. suddenly i get hit with a wave of anxiety. what if my friends weren't my friends? what if something went wrong? what if they were only my friends because they felt bad for me? what if they bitch about me behind my back? through this anxiety, im so thankful i have some truly amazing friends. they've stuck with me and even gone to lengths to help me feel less uneasy about things. they'll meet me before going out so that i don't get stressed about being alone in public. they'll help me understand i'm being crazy and stuff. i'm just so thankful. i love my friends. always know they're there for me.

I have someone who i can tell everything to. She's pretty much everything to me. when i feel like the world is out to get me, or when i'm being overly anxious, she's always able to talk my fears away. we've been through everything together, seriously everything - name it and im sure we've seen it. we're both screwed up and we cancel each others problems out. i absolutely love her. Without her, who knows if i'd even be here today. i owe her everything.

luckily for me my psychiatrist / adhd doctor found medication that can help me fight the anxiety i face. to believe that someday i could actually be myself and not the kaitlin who i hope other people would like gives me more hope than anything. this really has changed my life. to think i was so careless with the last medication makes me so fucking angry. what the hell is wrong with me. i knew there would be some backfire from stopping, i didn't realise it would affect me forever.

everyones got their problems though.

guess this is just mine.

Kategay outtttt.

lol babes

Dear former lover of S.F.

Congratulations on turning 18. Enjoy the 10 months of partying you are able to have without me…. I would like to take this opportunity to thank my mother for not getting pregnant earlier, so could celebrate properly with you, I hope you realise that now you are 18, you are my direct pipeline to obtaining alcohol, as I am still only 11 years old. Enough about me though ay.

Throughout our friendship, there has been many ups and downs, and thankfully we were able to move past the downs (a.k.a the lemon throwing incident and that time you hit me in the stomach with your bag) and now we are quite good friends. High school was definitely a better experience with you around. I’m also glad I have someone to see the lame embarrassing movies with, and to buy my tickets to spare embarrassment. (this is going to happen when we go to see the Justin bieber movie obviously) over the years, we have seen many movies that were a lot better with our commentary. For instance, the last song. Mocking that young kid was the highlight of that movie.

Many other highlights of our friendship include that time you got drunk at penguins and drunk texted all night, then we read over the texts later while sober and pissed ourselves laughing… Such an amazing memory. One of my more memorable nights was maddys 16^th @ ashlyns house. When we were all chilling in the tent and you decided to sing celine dion and spice girls songs. Then upon realising we fit about 40 people in a 4 man tent, we decided to go sleep outside on ashlyns patio furniture. We also dueted on “ugly – sugababes” and you debuted your cover of bootylicious., along with dance moves, which was pretty much amazing.

Many times of my life have definitely been improved x100000 thanks to you. You are an amazing friend and I’m glad I got over the lemon thing and was able to become your friend. I would also like to take this opportunity to take you back to year 8, in which we used to play chinese school, and you would beat Mitchell with a fanta bottle after berating us with questions we could not understand. This was funny for me as for once I was not the object of your abuse.

But above all, this year has set the tone for our friendship. We’ve had many hilarious drunken memories, like the time you burnt up the dance floor when ‘dirrty’ came on at jana’s party and you told everyone it was dirrty with two r’s not one. Then you danced out side the bathroom for quite a while, then upon dirty talk coming on you screaming “THIS MY FAVOURITE SONG…….JK IT ISN’T” then laughing yourself silly. Then going outside and spewing your guts all over janas front lawn….. amazing. I will never forget the memories I’ve shared with you and I hope there are many more awesome times to come.

Also, i feel our friendship really can be explained through various lyrics, and so let the lyrics begin....

AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU, MY DARLING YOUUUUUU

every night in my dreams, i see you, i feel you ;) that is how i know you go on.....

You'll always be a part of me

I'm part of you indefinitely

Boy don't you know you can't escape me

Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feeling this strong

No way you're never gonna shake me

Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby

S S S AND M M M

so here's the story from a to z if you want to get with me you gotta listen carefully, we got em in the place who likes it in ya face we got g like m.c (mariah carey?!?!) who likes it on easy v doesn't come for free she's a real lady, and as for me ahhhh you'll see. slam ya body down and wind it all arounddd.

tumble out of bed and i stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition, jumpin in the shower and the blood starts pumpin out on the street the traffic starts jumpin and folks like me on the job from 9 to 5.

and babes, if i'm ugly then so are you. x

feelin so bootylicious.

can you pay my bills?

say ya name, say ya name?!?

all da women who independant, throw ya hands up at me

i'm your girl, you're my girl, we your girls, don't you know that we love you?

Fuckn love you babes

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

fuckn aww dat blinks be gettin you down ova mimi ay xx

rebel. ♥♥

soooo. i havent blogged for a while.  cause nothings really happened. until two weeks ago.

rebel died. its the most horrible thing i've been through so far.

these two weeks are the only two weeks in my entire life, that i have had without her.

and i hate how we didnt really get to say goodbye. well when we took her to the hospital, i saw how hard she was trying to breathe, and how limp she was, so naturally i assumed she was going downhill. i was the last one in my family to hold her, and that means something to me. she was my dog, and i loved her as one of our family.

my whole family were devastated about this, because dad and rebel were pretty much best friends, and while he doesnt show it physically, i can tell how hard it is for him to spend the day without his best friend. chris, while he didnt show much emotion throughout this, he was the one who persistently offered to take her to the vet, or offer help in anyway he can.  im sure that bec is going to miss her sitting outside her house every morning, and just being around for her.

and i still cry everytime i think of her. i miss her so much. she was the best dog i could have ever asked for. i spend hours a day sitting at her grave just trying to grasp at the concept that shes no longer here. I have still yet to ride the quad again, because its just too hard now that shes not running with me. 

i just. i want her back. i would have done anything just for a few more days. i loved her more then my own life. 

   come back to me. ♥

r.i.p rebel.

31st Oct 

2009